


Beyond Comprehension

by makuroshi



Series: Eruri 100 Themes [3]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Bit of Fluff, Basically Erwin's thoughts on Levi, Eruri 100 themes, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of a character study, Levi's colourful language, M/M, Needy Levi, OTP Feels, Oral Sex, jealous Erwin, tsundere Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 23:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1204867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makuroshi/pseuds/makuroshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is an unsolved mystery, Erwin thinks. A Pandora box so complicated no one dares to open, a jigsaw puzzle so intricate no one tries to solve, a multi digits code so obscure no one tries to decipher. But the complexity of it all is what makes Levi so intriguing and interesting. </p><p>Erwin doesn’t understand how and why, but Levi makes him wish that forever really exists. #2 - Complicated</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond Comprehension

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of a companion piece to 'Contradictions' http://archiveofourown.org/works/1023297 but you can read it separately.

There is something about Levi that Erwin can’t really put a finger onto. Something that made Erwin allows himself to love, even when he has sworn never to because he’s afraid of hurting, of losing and leaving.

 

Levi is an unsolved mystery, Erwin thinks. A Pandora box so complicated no one dares to open, a jigsaw puzzle so intricate no one tries to solve, a multi digits code so obscure no one tries to decipher. But the complexity of it all is what makes Levi so intriguing and interesting.

 

Erwin believes that every question has its answer, like how every lock has its key. Levi is not an exception.

 

Levi is so blatantly honest when he’s angered or irked by something, Erwin realizes. He hardly ever expresses his emotions on his face, but the contrary can be said about his choice of words. He speaks his thoughts loud and clear, and Erwin has reprimanded him time and again, demanding him to refrain from using such colourful vocabulary when speaking to others, but it seems that old habits die hard. His words are cynical and dripping with sarcasm, and they have a certain edge to them, sharp enough to make his subordinates cringe in fear and tremble like critters.

 

Sometimes Erwin worries that Levi’s hurtful remarks will make the soldiers loathe him, but he has observed the eyes of the young soldiers to whom Levi speaks to, has seen the heartfelt respect and admiration that burn within them and they way they look at Levi and think ‘Ah, I want to be like him some day.’

 

Levi _deserves_ that respect, _earns_ it through years and years of struggling to survive in a world so cruel it threatens people’s insanity more often than not. Captain Levi has become a sort of a role model; his undeterred courage and audacity inspiring others. Erwin understands, so he stops worrying.

* * *

 

Levi is exceptionally strong, and Erwin noticed this before anyone else does. Until today, Erwin still sometimes ponder upon the miracle that is Levi, still wonder about the mechanism behind Levi’s petite yet agile stature that dances elegantly in the air, taking down titan after titan with such speed and accuracy. Erwin is proud of Levi, but at times, he can’t escape the jealousy that consumes him -much like a child having his toy shared with others- when he hears people talking highly about Levi. It is a feeling reminiscent of the possessiveness one feels when his favourite resting spot –peaceful, quiet and isolated- suddenly getting crowded with new visitors. Erwin detests it.

 

When Levi was nothing but a scum from the Underground, everyone spat on him like he’s a disgusting piece of trash, like he doesn’t belong anywhere but in the filthiest place possible, unworthy of a second chance. Now that he’s the most skilful and adept soldier known to mankind, most people, if not everyone, look up to him like he’s some kind of flawless, invulnerable god-sent saviour.

 

The selfish side of Erwin Smith screams and shouts that Levi is _his_ , and _his alone,_ and Erwin’s not going to share, not even with humanity. But the rational part of Erwin -the _Commander_ side- puts his own egotistical desires aside and allows Levi to become humanity’s strongest, not just Erwin Smith’s dearest.

 

Of course, he never fails to remind Levi to whom he _truly_ belongs to from time to time.

* * *

 

Levi’s crude language is not limited to conveying his irritation and frustration; it is also unleashed when he is alone with Erwin in the commander’s room, which is pretty much referred to as _their_ room considering that Levi almost never sleeps in his own. The extent to which Levi can talk dirty in bed -not necessarily, sometimes on the couch, against the wall, over the table- baffles Erwin, not that he is complaining. He’ll gladly take what Levi has to offer.

 

“Erwin,” Levi says one evening, getting up from the leather couch to gracefully walk towards the table where Erwin is diligently going over paperwork. Erwin merely replies with a curt “Hm?” before putting down his quill pen to pick up the nearby tea cup, sipping the warm liquid calmly without looking up to meet Levi’s eyes.

 

“I want your cock.” Levi nonchalantly says; sense of urgency evident in his tone.

 

Erwin promptly chokes on his tea.

 

Erwin’s head snaps up and he is greeted with the sight of an alluring Levi, complete with lusty bedroom eyes and moist lips red from being bitten on, staring at him like he’s going to die if he doesn’t get a taste of Erwin’s cock _now._

 

Before Erwin can even bring himself to respond to the bizarre statement, Levi is already under the table and on his knees, unbuckling Erwin’s belt and pulling his pants down along with his briefs and the rest of the tangled gear straps with ease. The gush of cold air hits the head of his still flaccid cock, and Erwin’s knees tremble a little. He swears he can see the glint in Levi’s usually stoic gray eyes as the man feasts upon the view, licking his lips eagerly.

 

Another thing that’s perplexing about Levi is his ability to make Erwin fall under his spell; entranced, mesmerized, and _breathless._

 

Erwin watches intently as Levi skilfully runs his sinful tongue along the length, one small callused hand keeping a light grip on the base while the other hand scratches and digs into Erwin’s thigh, leaving half-crescent marks on the skin. It stings, and little crimson beads are beginning to form and seep out, but Erwin has far more important things to worry about, like how he’s never going to finish formulating the new formation for the upcoming expedition on time, or how fucking perfect Levi looks with the beautiful, _beautiful_ blush on his face and the engorged cock in his mouth. He’s not going to lie; it’s mostly the latter.

 

Erwin keeps his hand on Levi’s head, tangling his fingers in the dark midnight locks as the Levi works him into full arousal. Levi switches from the kittenish licks to intensely sucking on the tip, a trick that never fails to make Erwin’s eyes roll back into his head.

 

“You like that, don’t you?” Levi says in a hoarse, breathless voice, saliva strand a bridge between his lips and Erwin’s pulsating cock.  “Commander.” He adds, knowing that Erwin reacts strongly when Levi calls him _that_.

 

“Maybe,” Erwin answers playfully. “You should try calling me that more often.”

 

“I’d rather not,” Levi says in a whisper and blows onto the tip of Erwin’s length, the unforeseen coldness coaxing a grunt out of him. “Too often and it’ll lose its charm.”

 

“You’ll never lose your charm. At least not in my eyes.”

 

Levi says nothing in return, he simply glares at him from between his legs like he’s going to bite Erwin’s dick off if he says another word. Erwin thinks Levi’s trying to look fierce and guarded, but the rosy hue dusting on his puffed cheeks and the thick strand of saliva and precum running down his chin only backfire his attempt. _‘You know sweet nothings don’t work on me.’_ Levi’s ashen eyes say, and Erwin’s eyebrows rise, challenging.

 

 _‘You sure about that?’_ Sky-blue eyes reply, glowing and skimming down the expanse of Levi’s body. _‘Think you’re up for it?’_

 

Levi’s eyes flutter close, and a visible tremor rattles his spine. Erwin watches the curves of Levi’s supple body as he bucks his hips and greedily laps at Erwin’s dripping cock; perhaps already picturing the way Erwin would fuck him senseless and hearing the soft sweet words Erwin’s so fond of whispering in his mind. Levi claims he’s unaffected by it, but honestly he _is,_ perhaps even more so than Erwin has initially imagined. Erwin observes, _admires_ , **_worship_ s**, as Levi hums around Erwin’s throbbing length, tongue swirling around the head and teeth grazing the protruding vein that runs along it. Without warning, he swallows it whole, hesitation absent and masked by unstoppable desire. The move catches Erwin off guard, he moans –deep and needy- and his nimble fingers press into Levi’s scalp almost too harshly, basking in the feel of Levi’s throat sucking him in like there’s no way out.

 

The door is unlocked; anyone can barge in and see what the Commander and his right hand man are up to, but it’s times like this that Erwin’s thankful for Levi’s small figure.

 

He’s close, the outline of his cock against Levi’s throat getting more noticeable with each movement Levi makes, and he runs his hands along Levi’s sensitive ears, brushing against the reddening lobes and tracing his jaws. Another moan escapes Levi, the pleasant vibrations travelling up Erwin’s cock, and he thrusts into Levi’s mouth one final time before letting go, filling Levi’s mouth with his cum. Levi digs deeper into Erwin’s thighs, nails breaking skin, face scrunching in an almost painful ecstasy. For a brief moment, as he watches in awe at Levi’s body shaking and jolting in tandem with his head bobbing vigorously to drink all that’s left, Erwin wonders if there’s an invisible link that connects their senses.

 

Carnal desires unleashed, Levi starts to climb onto his lap, sitting on his half-hard length and not giving a damn about the traces of ivory cum that lingers. He grinds against Erwin and pulls at his bolo tie, harshly jerking him forward to hiss a desperate _“Fuck me.”_

 

Erwin glances at the abandoned papers on his table and chuckles lightly. Carefully, he runs his hands through Levi’s hair and kisses him, and just like that, the world shifts to revolve around Levi.

Erwin does not quite fathom when exactly it has become like this, but then again, is there really a need to?

* * *

 

Levi despises unnecessary deaths, this he has mentioned countless times to Erwin. He puts up a strong front when their comrades fall, but on the inside, a part of him shatters. Erwin sees the dark, sorrowful gleam in Levi’s gray eyes when they are alone in the room, heavy silence hanging in the air only broken by the soft scratching sounds of Erwin’s pen signing off death reports. He reads the names of the deceased, notices Levi scanning through them too, and both of them try to not think of what these young soldiers could’ve ever had. But sometimes they just can’t help it.

 

Erwin pauses from time to time, flexing his tired fingers and numbing wrist. He glances occasionally at Levi to look out for any signs of despair. The dark circles framing Levi’s eyes seem to have sunk in deeper, but other than that, he looks perfectly normal. Too normal, in fact.

 

Another paper is signed, and Levi visibly stiffens.

 

Erwin looks up to see Levi gritting his teeth, like he’s fighting an inner battle, striving to chase the haunting memories away, and when Erwin looks down, he understands why.

 

 

_Petra Ral_

 

 

“Levi,” Erwin calls out, his grip on the pen tightening and knuckles turning white as waves of guilt crashes over him. Instinctively, he reaches out to grab Levi’s hand. It feels strikingly cold against his palm. “There is really no need for you to stay.”

 

Levi snaps out from his trance, and glowers back intently when he notices Erwin giving him _the look_. “I’m fine,” Levi says firmly. But he’s _not_ , and Erwin knows. Erwin knows yet he can’t do anything about it, because this is war, and in a war, there is no time for grief.

 

Despite being told that he can leave, Levi stays. Erwin is relieved when he senses the warmth returning to the small hand still intertwined with his. They hold hands under the table like a sappy couple in love, but it’s really nothing like that; it’s something more. In the quiet moment, they share the burden of the world, like it’s their little secret. It’s the only comfort they can afford.

 

When Erwin finally signs off the last report, Levi doesn’t even flinch. Doesn’t even bat an eyelash when he bends down to pick up a fallen piece of paper with _Gunther Schultz_ written on it. He walks out without a word, Erwin’s large blazer draped over his shoulders making him look smaller than he already is. Erwin doesn’t miss the slightly louder than usual slam of the door.

 

He knows that this time, it takes longer for Levi to forget. Perhaps an eternity.

 

On the night after they have lost half of their men, Levi lets Erwin cry on his shoulder, gently caressing Erwin like he’s desperately trying to heal the emotional wounds through his touch, to make the pain and remorse go away. He doesn’t mention anything about it, but Erwin knows that Levi has cried along silently –no tears, no sobs- just his heart weeping over their fallen comrades, mourning for the widows, mothers and children who have lost their loved ones in yet another fatal expedition.

 

They fight for a tomorrow, but what good is tomorrow for if they won’t be alive to live through it?

 

 “No one knows what the outcome will be. We just have to be sure not to regret the choice we made.”

 

Levi repeats these lines like a mantra, using the powerful words to calm others when the situation presses on their conscience. Each time the words roll off his tongue, Levi is reminded of the path he has chosen, of the metallic reek of blood he has bathed in, of the mangled bodies he has witnessed. Each time he says it, he goes back to the day he accepted Erwin’s hand and signed up for death.

 

And the regret never comes.

 

It’s unspoken, but Erwin knows that Levi is willing to die for him. Levi entrusts his life to Erwin, believes every decision even when others don’t, and whenever Levi salutes –strong fist prideful and unfaltering against the wings of freedom- his heart is offered to his _Commander_ , not the king, nor the humanity.

 

_[Little did people know that Erwin offers his to Levi, too, but that’s alright, because a Commander has to stand tall, strong and devoted in front of his men; not emotional and frail, much less in love.]_

* * *

 

Erwin is aware that his death is certain, and that he should never dream too much, but with Levi in his life, it’s pretty hard not to.

 

Every so often, Erwin wakes up in the middle of the night to find Levi asleep in his arms, deep creases between furrowed brows gone and replaced with a beautiful serene expression _only Erwin_ knows he’s capable of making. Erwin thinks it is borderline ridiculous, how such an emotionally constipated person who kills and slaughters without hesitation can fall asleep with the blitheness of a child.

 

But this is Levi, who has once thrown a punch to Erwin’s face and scolded him for barely escaping death in that split second of carelessness, demanding him to remember to stay alive. This is _Captain Levi,_ humanity’s strongest, who has once held a blade catered for slashing deep into titan’s skin to Erwin’s neck, pressing in just enough to draw blood but not enough to really kill, murderous glare betrayed by the slight tremble of his hands. This is _Levi,_ Erwin’s dearest, who holds Erwin close in a strong embrace every night before an expedition, sometimes kissing Erwin softly, sometimes begging Erwin to fuck him, _fuck him so hard_ that he forgets that they’re marching to their deaths tomorrow, sometimes just clinging onto Erwin in silence, their matching heartbeats the only sounds audible.

 

This is _Levi_ , and when it comes to Levi, Erwin has almost nothing figured out.

 

Erwin takes a few moments to indulge in the feel of Levi’s soft black hair against his chest, of Levi’s warm lithe body that rises a little whenever Erwin inhales, and the peaceful stillness that engulfs the night. But in this cruel world where the sands of time are too fine and a _few moments_ is in actuality _everything_ , Erwin knows he can’t afford something so indulgent like love.

 

“Erwin?” Levi calls out, groggily cracking one eye open to look for the source of disturbance.

 

“I’m here,” Erwin answers and gets up. “Go back to sleep, Levi. It’s still early.”

 

Levi grumbles at the loss of his ‘pillow’ and rolls over to face Erwin’s retreating form. “Going somewhere?”

 

“Just getting a drink,” Erwin says, and starts walking towards the door. Levi suddenly sits up on the bed, like he’s remembering something important, so Erwin halts.

 

“You’d better _not_ be sneaking out to do some shitty leftover paperwork,” Levi mutters. “I’ll fucking kill you if you do.”

 

“I’m not,” Erwin replies, his voice gentle and assuring.  “I’ll be back soon.” This time, he’s not afraid of making a promise, because it’s one that he’s sure he can keep.

 

Erwin returns close to ten minutes later, and Levi is already scowling.

 

“What took you so long, bastard,” Levi says, irritation evident in his tone. “I’m freezing here.”

 

Erwin doesn’t answer. Instead, he sets the glass on the nearby table in a painfully slow pace, like he’s doing it on purpose; mocking, _teasing_. Levi lets out a feral growl, and it reminds Erwin of a seething cat. Though the dim light seeping through the window isn’t nearly enough to illuminate the room, he knows that Levi is glaring at him. Erwin slips back in bed and kisses Levi’s forehead, and no matter how many times Levi insists that _I don’t snuggle, you fucker_ , Levi remains a perfect fit for the empty space in his arms.

 

When Erwin falls asleep that night, he dreams. He sees Levi –the stars in his silver eyes, the sun in his rare little smile, the world no longer on his shoulders. In a time when watching the sky isn’t a luxury and closing one’s eyes to feel the breeze isn’t a crime, Levi will take his hand and lead him to the sea, where the pristine white sand sinks under their trails and the cold blue waves wash over their feet. Their steps are light and wispy; phantom weight of manoeuvre gears on their thighs long gone and unneeded, and then they’ll run. They’ll run but with no urgency, no desperation to survive –just running aimlessly and laughing freely like the sky is boundless and the world is theirs, because it finally is.

 

_Erwin doesn’t understand how and why, but Levi makes him wish that forever really exists._

And Levi is a puzzle; one that Erwin is willing to spend his whole lifetime solving.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a hard time writing the love scene because I get flustered really easily. But there you have it! Another (delayed) piece in my Eruri 100 Themes. Comments and kudos are really appreciated! I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.


End file.
